Unpretty

So I'm sure I've mentioned this before or I did on my previous blog....I once had a serious boyfriend who wasn't so friendly. He constantly told me that I was fat and that I needed to do this and that to improve myself. Not really an encouraging guy, but I did stay with him for five years.

Lately I've been driving my parents' car and the V6 engine is making me fall in love and so is their Sirius radio. I've been rocking out to the 90s on 9 and I heard a song the other day that made me think:

Unpretty by TLC

I wish could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

[Chorus:]
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein' stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

And this is really how I felt. Before I had met him I thought I was pretty and that I was thin....but he got to me. He made me doubt myself and that's the key to this song.

At the end of the day I have myself to blame.

And that's the truth. I was the one who let him get to me. I was the one who let him make me think he was right and I needed to change. At the end of the day while I can hate him for everything it's really my own fault.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Well I gave him permission to make me feel inferior, but in the end it works out.

Why? Because now I know to not let this happen again. I know when to say "Hey. I am pretty. Go to hell."

So that's how I feel. And that's my lesson learned after five very long very hard years.