Lately I've been reading some articles that show that mankind is not meant to be with only one person. That monogamous relationships are simply against our DNA. Now my Victorian counterpart completely agreed with this concept. She actually lived with her husband and his mistress and raised their children as her own.
I however do not think I could do this. I like the idea of one man one love one heart and whatever whatever U2 had to say. But it is an interesting question. I know a couple who have been together since they were 13 and they are now 30. Being together for 17 years by the time your thirty seems like a major commitment and let's face it, it's a longer commitment that I've put forth. My longest relationship is five years, but as I look back on it, it wasn't much of a relationship. I tend to go for long distance in relationships because the reality is, I don't want to have to change too much of my day to day life to make room for someone else.
And maybe that's the kicker with why mankind isn't the best at keeping a relationship with one person. We're too selfish. Living and loving someone else for the long term takes quite a bit and it requires lots of compromise and letting the other person win and that means you have to be the loser. Maybe we aren't conditioned for that. I don't think I'm conditioned for that....at least not right now. And when you think of adding kids into the equation it just becomes more convoluted.
So are we really meant for one person? Is there really one person out there who will complete us? Who when they win between the two of us it doesn't feel like a loss of us, but a win for our team? It's a tough call. Maybe I'm bitter and jaded which is completely possible. My last relationship couldn't remain faithful and now I look at all men as the enemy because I don't think they can be faithful either.
But I hope I'm wrong. Secretly I hope I do find the one...the one who I want to change my life for and hopefully he'll feel the same way about me.
Will it ever happen? Who knows. From experience I don't think men like bitter women. Maybe I need a change of pace. Maybe I need a change of scenery. But I do hope the one is out there even though everything tells me that the one will never be faithful.
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I'd be interested in learning from where you draw the conclusion that Nesbit did not believe in monogamy? I know about the living arrangements and raising her husband's mistresses children while their mother worked (unbeknownst to them) as the housekeeper - but how do you reconcile this with the heartbroken tone of much of her later "love" poems and the angst she felt at her husband seeking out his mistress rather than her on the death of her son, Fabian.
ReplyDeleteAs i said, i'm genuinely interested in hearing of any specific statements or evidence that support your suggestion.
Anna,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have read Nesbit had an open marriage and she had raised her husband's children with his mistress as her own. I must admit that it has been some time since I read E. Nesbit's biography, but I do remember reading both of those items. Perhaps I would have been better off to say that Nebit flouted accepted social norms. I am more of a fan of Nesbit's children's novels and apologize if you do not draw the same conclusions I do.
No need to apologise for seeing things differently. I was just interested in whether you had found evidence to suggest something particular about E.N's attitude towards monogamy. If you are basing this conclusion off the two biographies - those by Julia Briggs and Doris Langley Moore - then i guess i think we might see the strength of Nesbit's acceptance of her living arrangements differently. For example, while Alice Hoatson lived with the family and was the mother to two of Hubert Bland's children, both of which Nesbit raised as her own, they were born over a decade apart and neither of them had an inkling that Nesbit was not their mother until the eldest Rosamund was 21. Briggs' biography explains in detail that the relationship between Hoatson and Bland was certainly not common knowledge. While Nesbit flouted social norms in many areas, smoking, clothes, hair etc, she was also curiously conservative in others - among other things, she was against the women's suffrage movement (not suffrage itself, but the movement), she publicly chastised Eleanor Marx for openly living with a married man.
ReplyDeleteAs for how happy Nesbit really was with this situation...the biographies don't really say, but from my reading of her poetry I think she was rather less comfortable with the situation than it may on the surface appear.
this turned it to a rather long comment - and for that I offer my humblest pleadings to tell me more about your interest in her children's literature - for example, are there particular posts on here that can tell me a little more about your interest?
Anna, my first post talks about why I love E. Nesbit and how I like that her fantasy can actually be reality because it's children's imagination. I was a lot like the Railway Children in the fact that I had an active imagination. I must admit to not being the best poster because I pull double duty on this blog. But I am going to try to talk more about children's lit now that things in my life are winding down. I hope that helps. I post Fridays mostly.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'll check it out. I write alot about E.N too.
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